Happiness is the reason why people want to be in love and in a relationship. If being with a person makes your life slower, makes your aches and pains last longer, makes your emotional downers more difficult to bounce back from, makes your career slow down, your plans delayed, your vision extend out for more years, why remain in a committed relationship with that person?
We have to recognize here that relationships are based on getting what we want. They are all about love and attraction too, we will discuss that soon enough, but at the core essence of human existence at the most spiritual levels of heart and soul is, yes, getting what we want. The more we have, in whatever form, the more we can contribute. Nobody wakes up wanting less – (unless it’s stress).
Relationships succeed because you are getting what you want, when you want it, and you’re getting it more, and faster than you were before. And, yes, I hear the negative implication of orgasms and so on, well think it through before you shoot the messenger. Do you think, you will remain happy in a relationship if you can get sex faster and easier with a stranger than you can with your partner? People do not gravitate to hard work or more difficulty.
Comparison is Nature. Nature compares, so do you. The minute you compare your partner to another person and think that the other person would be a better partner than the one you’re with, you’re unhappy. And that’s the end of it.
Comparison is critical but the outcome is not predetermined. It’s you. If you’re generous, positive, kind and appreciative of your partner every other person who comes into range of sight, touch, smell, thought, sound, tastes must be subordinate to them. That is it, your partner is BETTER than all you’re other options and you do have many including being single.
Compromise means others would be better and that’s the most relationship killing, libido depreciating, personally rejecting, heart closing, head banging state of mind a human can bring to another person. You’re second best and I’m prepared to suffer it. That’s compromise, and it’s the first nail in the coffin of happiness.
The relationship you are in has to be perceived as far superior to anything else. If you perceive being single as better than this relationship, then you’re depreciating the person you’re with and hurting them subconsciously. If you’re thinking that compromise is ok, then just wait and see how those thoughts eventually sabotage your relationship.
We all know that “making someone happy” is impossible. An unhappy person is unhappy and no relationship on earth is going to change that, right? We are on the same page? Most people think a relationship is going to make them happy, but that’s a week, month or a year at the tops. Unhappy people are unhappy, in and out of a relationship. Oh, and by the way, happy people don’t get unhappy because of the relationship. The fact is some people just don’t know how unhappy they are until they get into a relationship that cuts off their escape routes.
So, here’s the real rub for long term relationship success in happiness: YOU have to be happy. Not your partner, not your relationship, that’s nothing to do with it. YOU have to be happy and the most important thing you have to be happy about, is nothing.
Now, you might be confused, so, here’s a bit more information on this. Being happy because you get, got, have, or had something is physical and understandable so let’s label that pleasure. Pleasure of the physical nature can come and go, as we all know. So, it’s really dumb to label HAPPY with the derivation of pleasure. If pleasure comes and goes, then so will our happiness. We’re like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick or a cat chasing its tail. This is a definite burnout model for relationships. This is one of the reasons we teach what we do at the girlfriend activation system.
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